Molly's got me with coffee pudding now...

 you know. like ice cream with espresso poured over. like that. affugato

Anyways, between city center, Springbrook, mip, ccbh, atlanta, belmont, stockbridge, mindful, half the psychiatry power on the east coast, dss, fbi, etc, you should have me pretty well figured out. I'd like to stay home now.  And i have to finish fixing this printer or buying a new one. Gotta file taxes paper this year.

Psychotica

     I have differences in realities with the people who own my home and car. I'd like to see those realities closer together or to own my car and home. Otherwise, I burn out quickly.

SDOH

 SDOH = (FAM1+FAM2)*(CHAOTIC BILINGUAL CHILDHOOD) 

= MILD AS + MILD ADHD + MILD AUD PROCESSING + cPTSD/DID

+

SIMPLE CARB DIET WITH RED MEAT = HYPERLIPIDEMIA + BORDERLINE DIABETIC

PTSD + CLOZARIL = ALL SORTS OF PHYSICAL AND PSYCH PROBLEMS. A WALKING TRAIN WRECK.

But at least we learned something. That's what the Nazis would say. Am I right? Would they not? I'm sure Conner is quite proud. At his multi-state clusterfuck. That Atlanta tried to stop. But Greenville wasn't listening. Fact. An MD recommended THC and I took it legally per medical advice. Fact. I'd like to not see this happen again. Fact.

PTSD

If the problems fall under PTSD as well, and the docs don't like the term DID or understand it very well, might as well just call it PTSD, right? Makes sense to me. Maybe the gender changeup didn't work out so bad. Now I have a bunch of ladies. Who are terrified that I'll learn their names or try to hug them. Not the end of the world. Though I don't think they need to worry. Too many people watching. Anyways, I got better things to do with my time. When I have the focus, the energy, and the calm. 

Anxieties

I worry if I connect too much at one time, what i might say or do. How would I interpret others? How would they interpret me. So far, we've not done a bangup job together.

Switching and Writing

Writing while switching is difficult. Every time you switch, you want to tell it a different way. It's like, come on guys, why can't we agree on one little scene? Only wrote 4 versions! Seriously! Writing while Angry is worse. Cuz then you start thinking about suing half the east coast. That doesn't work very well. It's like... wow. What just happened? 

River

I feel like I need to think more about my life. I feel like there's parts of the picture that I'm not seeing. That there are things that I'm missing. But I think I'm getting closer. To seeing the big picture. So I'm glad for that. Unfortunately, I have to take what I can get when I can get it. But I need to understand better. In order to be funny, I need to be angry first. Then I can be funny again. I'm not sure what's next. I don't have much of a plan. Yet. I am glad though. To have more space. Breathing room. To be me. Without meeting any particular standard, tend, or appeal. 100% genuine in isolation. Just some hallucinations. Wierd dreams. I had one about tis river. Running fast. Huge river. Fast water. Carrying me away. I thought it was the one nearby, but much bigger, and faster.