Mixed Messaging

     Where was I? Ah, yes, Angry. See, I don't actually know who reads this stuff.

    Anyways, I'm down to an irritable and slightly restless. somewhere around a 5. Maybe just like I don't need to sue half the east coast, I don't need to have everyone arrested. It just frustrates me when people engage in willful ignorance and unhealthy behavior. I had a really bad day when we had low air quality and my allergies kicked into high gear. But pain is inherently subjective.

    I need to save my words for when they are useful. The team has worked hard, and I have to respect that. So, I won't be able to be at family events. These events tend to make me upset and there's dysfunctional behavior going on. And it's not my business what people do on their personal time unless they make it my business. Like the tech at the wellness pavilion mouthing off. If someone's on the clock I don't need their 411. We all have work to do. I gotta focus on mine: reducing anger, working on real life skills. There is no anger reduction pill. They don't actually exist. 

    But I need to look beyond my everyday life and see that bigger picture. The bigger picture of how we all affect one another, what we contribute, and what doesn't work. 

    Fear can be so powerful. It draws lines between people. 

    When the medical board came back with their response, it was frustrating. They felt the situation was dangerous enough to say something to Prichards, but not dangerous enough to really do anything. Yet I didn't prescribe myself those pills. My only remaining frustrations with the meds are the threat of further dystonia, impaired executive functioning (This may be permanent), and that they don't arrest all of the mood swings.