Ennywaze...

Ennywaze, I hope you've enjoyed my crazy. I have to slow down, have better boundaries and take care of myself now. I need to control my anger. Maybe sue a psychiatrist, free of undue influence. Find my own peace. A black widow. That kinda thing. Get rid of these Munchhausen like, bipolarized psychociations. I'm going to keep working on improving my recall, socializing, and try to write some fiction. Just exercise caution around Italians and also around woodruff road.

Thanks

Memory Cohesion Study (NIH)

"Collective memory is inherently selective (Rajaram and Pereira-Pasarin, 2010; Hirst and Echterhoff, 2012). When people recall the past some details are retrieved while other fail to enter into conversation. The consequence of those items not retrieved has become of increasing interest in understanding how distinct memories become increasingly similar across individuals."

    So, if person A remembers his childhood one way but is too close to B, C and D, He may have trouble remembering his childhood because the group creates a myth of what his life was like, when it really was nothing like that. They may have a narrative for who he is and what he does, even down to dictating where he lives, who his health care providers are, what his DX is, what his meds are, What his treatment plan is, he'll have no privacy and no respect and no life, but it'll look medically perfect until the strain breaks the system. Which may be why so many medical professionals believe that my family is harmful to my wellbeing. Maybe. 

    I suppose that could change. 

Thing is, every time i talk to them they're indocrinating me. Which is why we don't talk. Because its not real. They don't actually know me. I'm definitely not whoever they say I am. Im just some disabled guy. Who tried too hard. Now his liver is half shot, he cant recall, his life is empty, and he has trouble with routines and sequences of tasks. I need someone to know the real me. That's why I firewalled "my women" and the PA. So I can remember and not burn out. 

So, to use my social worker skill, hopefully my FAMILIES will keep thier noses out of my life, MIND THIER OWN BUSINESS, and stop being so incredibly CONTROLLING. It's been incredibly unhelpful. Multistate clusterfuck unhelpful.

Memory Cohesion Study

I've been reading a research paper on memory cohesion, but among individuals in a community.

Memory Cohesion Study

Small

 

The Break In

    Ok, ebbyone? let's find di way. Now, di doors are locked here, here, end here. We could sidle around back and take the fence from the North side, but there's cameras so that wouldn't last long. AHA! Ebbybuddy likes Pizza. Ashes will take twee for deliberry. Eddie will run circles in front ob di unit to diswact security. 

    We'll need pebbles. And a soccer ball. A few pairs ob maroon scrubs. Jess will be depressed. Jenn will come up wit di story. 8 will keep di car running. Ashes will find Arson, Arson will be too distwacted to notice Vlad sneaking Small to IMU. Den, Kenzi will let us out into di yard and we climb di fence. Once Small is secure, Jess will feel bedder and we'll all go home.

Plan

Spidey hab it all pigured out. Now, just need to break into di castle, pind di pwincess doctor, and conbince her to jump di fence wit Spidey. Vlad will fwy air cubber.

Small

Your Faborite Arachnid

Dis is your faborite Arachnid again! A small shout out to Dr. Small and di gang... Serbin di Fiercest since 1969!

Piccola

Piccola,

Ho solo bisogno di qualcuno che mi capisca. Qualcuno che possa tenermi sulla giusta via. Qualcuno pieno di vita. Sono stanco di farmi sopraffare. È un mondo difficile da capire.

Ceneri

Piccola

 Caro Piccola,

    Non sei mai uscito dalla mia mente. Ho avuto problemi a trovare qualcuno abbastanza strano da capirmi.

    Non riesco a liberarmi di questi psicologi, però. Forse puoi capirlo. Credo di avere paura. Per così tante ragioni. Sono al verde, ho una reputazione e tu sei davvero bella.

    Non ho esattamente colpito tutte le note giuste ultimamente. Quando ero più giovane, abbiamo visitato Capri... c'erano le grotte... io le visitavo nella mia mente. Volevo portarti lì.

Tuo,

Ceneri

Small

Dear Small,

    How's the unit doing? Tell me, what do you do when you're not analyzing? You seemed a little overwhelmed. Do you like Arson's humor? The story about the turkey was pretty good. A good nerd story.

    I'm a nerd myself actually. What do you read? I'll have to write you a poem. Maybe throw in some of the stuff Red liked. You should meet Tigre. He's a good guy. He likes to go play with the neighbor kids.

    You should stick around. The city is nice. I feel a little less crazy when you're around. Do you like hugs? Tell Elle I said hi. Don't get sick now.

Ashes

"Pilling In The Name"

Pilling in the name of

Some of those that take courses, are the same that accrue losses

Huh!

Pilling in the name of

Pilling in the name of

But now you do what Grey told ya

Well now you do what Grey told ya

Those who died are justified, for wearing the coat, they're the chosen whites

You justify those that died by wearing the coat, they're the chosen whites

Those who died are justified, for wearing the coat, they're the chosen whites

You justify those that died by wearing the coat, they're the chosen whites

Some of those that take courses, are the same that accrue losses

Uggh!

Pilling in the name of

Pilling in the name of

And now you do what Grey told ya

And now you do what Grey told ya, now you're under control

And now you do what Grey told ya!

Those who died are justified, for wearing the coat, they're the chosen whites

You justify those that died by wearing the coat, they're the chosen whites

Those who died are justified, for wearing the coat, they're the chosen whites

You justify those that died by wearing the coat, they're the chosen whites

Come on!

Yeah! Come on!

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me

Motherfucker!

Uggh!

Confusion

    I think some doctors confuse kindness or respect with a lack of accountability or submission. I think it's important not to get confused. We're all human. Even doctors. I was the one they couldn't force medicate.

701 Grove

    Don't hate me because I'm arachniful. Sewiously. Spidey webs hard. Ebbyday. A liddle caught up in di details. Knot a big deal. Spidey hab a pew psychiatrists to haunt. Dey started it. 

Dear Small

    Dear Small,

    It gets lonely without you analyzing me. We should go for a walk sometime. Or climb a fence. Maybe break into IMU. Ah those were the days. Back when they didn't want to give me clozaril. Elle can fill you in. You missed a bit, Small. I wanted to pick you up. We could set up a dance floor in the gym. Maybe you can swing. In the old days, we used to shoot pool. I see you, I want to follow. Feels safe. When you're nearby. You looked so scared. But you were sweet. They invited me back. We just can't get enough of each other. Sleep well. Dont numb out.

    Ashes

Obsessive Patient Syndrome

    A liddle obsessive? Nooooooo, nebber! Spidey just hab a hospital or twee to haunt.

    Aiming the arachnapult at MIP...

Small

She gloves me... she gloves me knot... she gloves me... She gloves me knot...

 

MIP

 MIP and I been goin' steady for about 27 years.

Small

 

Dear Small

    You look quite lovely in scrubs. There's a white coat I could get used to. Been playing with fire? Dangerous business. You do understand why I'm doing this, yes? I'm a little less flappy these days. Prichards used to play with fire, too, you know. I'd hate for you to like it too much. It gets old. Take care of yourself. I wouldn't want you catching flu again. Anna looks quite cross with me. And we had had such a lovely smoothing over the time before. You know I am capable of hearing non-blondes, yes? I think you should check my pulse. 

Have I told you lately, that I love you?

Have I told you, there's an arsonist above you?

Fill my take home bag with pill bottles

Smile and my heart surely throttles

Ease my troubles, that's what you do.

    Yours, 

    Ashes

Neck and Neck!

Volly

 

Vell, Volly, a rather vindictive lot they are... they keep drifting toward the website...

Volly, zee legged one is conspiring to drop leaflets over Falls Park.

You let them upgrade to a gigabit, we'll never hear the end of it... too bad I can't bring Small flowers... I suppose I could air drop them into the courtyard...

To do...

Let's see...

throw ccbh under di bus?

check.

throw mip under di bus?

check.

Prichards?

mmmhmmm...

Malacheck?

too late.

so tomorrow?

Same bat website, same batty writer.