$20 on the patient! $60 on dr. Psych! Nono! $80 says she pins him!

What does it mean to be stubborn?

    Stubborn generally has a negative connotation. It means to persist despite evidence suggesting that one should stop. But another way to interpret being stubborn is to be perseverant, determined, or strong willed. It was stubborn to continue therapy against the wishes of the hospital. It was stubborn to not go to the phoenix center. It was stubborn to come out of two comas. I did it anyways. I'm damn stubborn. Because in the end it was the right thing to do for me. And that is why I am stubborn. I insist on doing what is right for me, just as jessica said I needed to do. And I don't regret it. Filing the complaint against CCBH was the right thing to do. I don't regret it. They can curse my name and hate me, but God knows on this I am right. Sometimes I am wrong. I was wrong to contact the nurse, I was wrong to keep taking Spravato. Those things I regret. But I do not regret being right. I never will apologize for doing what is right.

Why did I believe that Phoenix Center wasn't right for me?

1. Because the hospital itself wasn't understanding what was going on with me (Spravato, not THC)
2. Because my professionals did not agree
3. Because I have communication issues that would have made it difficult
4. Because I've been to far too many centers
5. Because there was a general lack of listening
6. The environment had become toxic, with too many rumors and resentments and not enough facts

Autism Spectrum Level 1

 https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_Asperger_syndrome#:~:text=Asperger%20syndrome%20(AS)%20was%20formerly,diagnosis%20under%20autism%20spectrum%20disorder.

Ableism

Ableism is discrimination and prejudice against individuals with disabilities, based on the belief that typical abilities are superior. It manifests in various forms, including personal biases, systemic barriers, and harmful language. Ableism is rooted in the idea that people with disabilities are inherently less capable or valuable than non-disabled people. 

Here's a more detailed breakdown:

What is Ableism?

Discrimination and Prejudice:

Ableism is the belief that non-disabled people are superior to those with disabilities. It leads to prejudice and discriminatory practices against individuals with disabilities. 

Systemic and Personal:

Ableism can be systemic, embedded in laws, policies, and societal structures, or it can be personal, involving individual attitudes and behaviors. 

Forms of Ableism:

Personal Ableism: This includes individual acts of discrimination, like name-calling, or refusing accommodations. 

Systemic Ableism: This involves discriminatory practices embedded in institutions, such as inaccessible buildings or lack of access to education or healthcare. 

Benevolent Ableism: This involves well-intentioned actions that can still be harmful, like infantilizing or patronizing people with disabilities. 

Hostile Ableism: This involves overt hostility towards people with disabilities or their characteristics. 

Internalized Ableism: This occurs when individuals with disabilities internalize negative views about disability and discriminate against themselves or others. 

Language:

Ableist language is a common way that ableism is expressed, using words and phrases that demean or stereotype people with disabilities. 

Examples of Ableist Practices:

Lack of Accessibility: Buildings without ramps, elevators, or accessible restrooms. 

Inaccessible Websites: Websites that are not designed to be used by people with disabilities. 

Stereotypes and Assumptions: Believing that all people with disabilities are the same or that they are incapable of certain tasks. 

Exclusion from Decision-Making: Not including people with disabilities in conversations or decisions that affect them. 

Microaggressions: Subtle, often unintentional, expressions of prejudice. 

Consequences of Ableism:

Social Isolation:

People with disabilities may experience social isolation and exclusion. 

Reduced Opportunities:

Ableism can limit access to education, employment, and other opportunities. 

Negative Self-Esteem:

Internalized ableism can lead to low self-esteem and a negative self-image. 

Mental Health Issues:

Ableism can contribute to mental health problems for people with disabilities. 

Fighting Ableism:

Educate Yourself: Learn about ableism and its impact. 

Challenge Ableist Language: Avoid using ableist language and actively call it out. 

Promote Accessibility: Advocate for accessible environments and services. 

Listen to and Amplify Disabled Voices: Center the experiences and perspectives of people with disabilities. 

Be an Ally: Support and advocate for disability rights and inclusion. 

Dear Elle,

I've lost my zing. Vhere did it go? I need it back. You didn't hide it, did you? Vhy do you haunt me so? You did not get worried, I hope? Volly's got sharp eyes, zat one. She keeps one on me, you know. Rest well. I think you earned it. 

Fondly,

Vladimir

    I've been a little stuck on the things that didn't work out. I'm trying to focus on the things that do work as well as the new things I can do that I didn't do before. Hopefully, that's enough. Sometimes the alternative to "if life gives you lemons, make lemonade" is "if life gives you unhappy endings, write new ones"

 

I wonder how's it gonna be when I'm all healed. This has been disorienting. I thought i knew myself better. I did not. Different sides of me have come out. It's been startling and at times very depressing. There was a lot of facade to my life.

 

🫂🫂

Dear Angry Mental Patient

 

Dear Angry Mental Patient,

    I'm glad you and the others are getting along better. How's the old body doing? The head have enough space for the 8 of you? When you sneeze, does someone come out? Are the sinuses ventilating well, or is it getting hot in there? If Jess takes her clothes off, is it sexy or is she truly invisible? So many questions! I have such a curious mind. I sent in the pills you ordered, just eat them slowly. 

    On brighter news, I talked to Elle and she got your messages. She talked to the others like you asked. There was a bit of resentment, but they understand. I hope you don't take it too hard. Spravato is new, the looking up thing happened a long time ago. She'll be ok. The staff can't wait to see you again. They'll even throw in a pair of free scrubs and an honorary name tag (That doesn't unlock the doors. Nice try.) Oh, and Peytlin got the soccer balls. I'll say hi to Arson for you.

Coffee

Jess

 

JESS! THE HOSPITAL SCRUBS ARE NOT COMPLEMENTARY! AND DROP THE BABY SOAP!!

 

Sarah, do you mind? Vlad has to fly us home now.

Dancing in the Psych Ward

Vlad, this is Spidey, I've secured the psychiatrist.  What should we do with him?

Elle

Vell, my Elle, may I have this dance???

Volly

Volly, I found the fly in shower! Look at me go!!!

Arson

Arson's funny though. He goes around talking about what's for breakfast, because he knows that nothing gets an empty stomach more focused on reality then what's for breakfast.

Feeling Better, But Cautious

    My conscience feels clearer with having spoken a lot of truth about my life... the time spent in hospitals, the attachment to the nurse, the diagnosis history, the meds, the boundary issues, the arguments over healthcare, some about the hallucinations, and the communication issues and rumors. I hope to keep moving my focus to topics other than real life healthcare and more into fiction, work and education, relationships in the real world, and the future. 

    I do plan to expound more upon my limited usage of prescription ketamine, Spravato (not a great experience), prescription medications like Mirapex and amantadine, and hemp CBD/THC. I have never tried psilocybin, LSD, Cocaine, MDMA, heroin, and I have never been a drunk. Though being on gabapentin can have slightly similar effects.

I talked to the psychiatrist the other day about my ability to give historical tours of mental institutions. He said something about intense memories of my "health care journey".

What I actually do with my time

Buy food. Cook food. Eat food.

Work on promoting my business

Apply for part time jobs.

Ignore other people's BS

watch documentaries

Clean

Sleep

Play a strategy game

Exercise

Spend time with a friend

Take meds

Hygiene

Write

Read

Counseling on pursuing my goals

Try talking to people and not communicating what I'm trying to say, judging by the results. 

Live my life as if a camera is following me around and getting annoyed by it.

Being disorganized anyways and no longer caring because my living area is MY living area, not anyone else's. 

Feeling resentful and angry.

Trying to paint and express myself

Manage my bills and other adulting

Ponder what its like to be a social butterfly

Maybe the rumors have...

So very little actual substance that there's no point in paying attention to them. Maybe the world has better things to do then screw with my mind. Maybe people should judge for themselves, free from the influence of rumors.

    This is supposed to be MY story. Not the hospital's story, not my family's story, not the story of a bunch of mental patients with nothing better to do with their time then smear me, MY story. 

What now?

Can we charge him with being ugly? No, no law on that... What about... drug addiction? It'll never stick... How about failing to argue with us in an effective manner? You knoooooow...

In case it seems like I'm blaming everyone but myself...

    Yes, I contacted the nurse outside the hospital, yes, I'm broke and unemployed, no I'm not addicted to anything but letting bullshit prosper, No, I'm not interested in your drugs, yes, I'm tired of poor communication, No, I don't want to play anymore, yes, I truly am seeking work that I can maintain, no, I'm not interested in arguing with the 1 millionth person about what is wrong with me or what I need... if no one has figured it out yet, I doubt they ever will. Meanwhile, I'll be keeping to myself trying to figure out a better way.

I want...

    More from my life. I'm tired of being the one they couldn't fix. Im tired of the BS. I still have plenty of tinnitus. But my ears have improved. I'm less dependent on severe sinus. It seems like the shot and the debrox helped.