Functional

So, when I'm not doing the life stuff or playing that game (The nurses found my game play amusing), I've been thinking about how it ends. The chaos. You know, someone asked me once why I didn't sweat while working so hard in physical labor. Anger, Clozaril, Dissociation. That's how. A lack of connection to reality. Medicalized perfection. That is the chaos. 

How does it end? By not idealizing each other. By engaging with reality. By not dissociating. Oh, I know some dissociators. They'll deny it till the end of their days, most likely. Most of them are doctors. But I think everyone dissociates sometimes. The brain wants to rationalize its reality. Gets overworked trying to explain things that have no reasonable explanation. Burns out. Looks like ADHD, PTSD, Borderline, Bipolar, things like that. You can deny the research. You can engage with your lies. Don't ask me to. I'm too tired and too angry. It's a multistate clusterfuck. Sometimes people just need to fuck off, mind their own business. Take vacation. Change jobs. Meet other people. Or there's court dates and even criminal charges at the end of the road. 

I need to FOCUS on my life. On HELPING Public Health declusterfuck this. FREE of UNDUE influence. Then the government can decide the rest. They've been watching since 2020. Social Determinates of Health Screening. So it's not my problem anymore. It's the government's problem. But I really would like a judge to rule before I make any major decisions. It would give me peace of mind. Financial separation from my families. That would help. To make it stop. My own choices. Free of idealization and demonization. That would help. Because I am one person. And all I own is a disability savings. That's it. They control the rest. They lord it over me. Always have. 

So if there truly aren't sides. Then the government should say stop, so we can all sit down.

We have to stop the patterns. That's where auditing coming in. Rotations. Mandatory vacations and retirements. LISTENING TO FEEDBACK. Shutting down undue influence.

I think at this point, all of Greenville county can agree on ending medicalized perfection. Because unfortunately I'd have to die before they shut me up. Not threatening patients. Not lying to them.