Catch

    Counseling can be like playing catch. I just hope no one drops the ball. I like coordination of care because it helps people catch. I guess the hospital didn't understand. I guess my counselor knows the difference. That takes courage. I have courage too sometimes. Being in inpatient takes courage. Especially when people aren't working together. If there was a painless and straight path, I would take it. I want to focus on fiction, because this healthcare stuff is distracting. And then there's Accounting. It seems like a lot. 

    I did used to mostly just take drugs and do video games and intermittent work. But I started counseling to change that. I started counseling because the empty life revolving around drug carousels and video games wasn't working for me. Now, I feel like I'm effective with people. I'm more careful. I see drugs differently. 

    Telling the truth can be ugly. Sometimes the truth involves things like anger, thinking about suicide, resentment, fear, regret, guilt. I regret not speaking the truth to my families. I regret contacting the nurse. I regret letting the bullshit about my counselors continue. I regret letting them treat me like a robot. I regret idealing Prichards, I very much regret ever having known Assmussen. I hope he rots in hell. Well, maybe just some extended purgatory. 

    But I learned a lot from the shrinks. I like picking their brains. I like having two teams, each with psychiatrists involved. It helps me understand people. I'm learning how to navigate. I'm trying to keep the best lessons about trust and emotion. So that someday I can have my own family. 

    I just don't give away trust for free. Especially not to dipshit knowitalls in psych wards. I'm sure they had fun, picking on people that were better than them. But it just goes to show how limited their minds are. How stupid they really are. They need to expand their craniums. Fornication is not ok. 

    My walls are reshaping a bit. I'm learning what to let in, what to keep out. Because Molly is patient. She's always been in it for the long haul. Even if others slow her down. She's stubborn. Just like me.