Dear Leaves,

I hope that I'm doing this right. I've had headaches and nausea, anxiety, trouble sleeping, lack of energy, lack of focus, lack of medication, lots of frustration... this has been exhausting. Trust is so hard sometimes. So very hard. My perception is changing. I hope I'll like myself when the dust settles. Sometimes I worry that I might say or do something I will regret. I feel very, very afraid to talk to people. It seems like I never know what to say. Sometimes conversations just stop, and I never figure out what went wrong. I can't stay this way forever. This earthly purgatory is running me into the ground. Sometimes death seems inevitable. It seems just weeks or days away. I feel confused much more often than clear, but that's nothing new. I need to find a better way.

Ashes