Dear Elle,

    Maybe the time to get better at this was high school. Maybe I'm just good at overthinking. I have to find larger purpose. You know I do pray sometimes. I prayed in MIP, even as the jackals berated me. I prayed in McLean, as I walked the dark halls. Sometimes bad experiences can drive people with the same force and intensity as good ones. I'm reminded of the Count of Monte Cristo, one of my favorite stories. My focus seriously isn't as good as it used to be. 

    I trusted you, I relied on you. You never let me down. You know what I regret? I regret thinking that I had to be the name. So obsessed with how things appeared. Now I find myself rejecting that, running to the solace of the shadows, finding freedom in being unknown because known simply wasn't working out that well. I'm sorry I wasn't stronger.

Ashes