I want to have something to leave behind. After the dust has settled and the talk has died, I want there to be something left... something real. I want people to be able to read and feel connected to the story. I want them to feel like they are part of it. I want to connect with people through the words the way great writers do. Hopefully I can do that. 

    I don't like leaving the house. I worry about social pressures. I worry about intentions. I used to blend in somehow. That's become harder. 

    I want people to really know me. If I use the right words, then they can. I have to find the right words. I don't want to force my words or presence on anyone. But I want people to really know me. Words are elusive. And if I don't find the words, the narratives will be built anyways, and I'll be shut out. I took for granted that I would find the words. That people would know me. But if I don't find the words, what will they say about me? Judging from experience, nothing good.

    I have to find the words. Before it's too late. I really don't know if I'll find them all. I want to be able to give the world something meaningful. Something of true value. 

    What worries me is that I may fail to bring the characters to life. Social interaction hasn't been so easy in recent years. Not that I was ever a social butterfly. Will I be able to write lifelike people if I don't grasp all the social complexities? I need to be cautious. I don't have the energy to keep running into walls.