I worry about the future. I see hope in this business. It's something REAL, something reliable and simple. Something I can do well. It's not circular conversations or arguments. It gives me some productive potential beyond my writing. I'm not as resilient as I used to be. I need to be very careful. I've made so much progress on my physical health. Trust is a risk. 

    I've scheduled daily delivery shifts to keep me on track. But this anxiety makes me feel trapped sometimes. It's rather urgent that I avoid the unexpected. I need to be like a clock... regular, predictable. I need to be like the planets, with my work as the sun. It is only a rigid and unbending focus that can deter unexpected events. 

    Doing deliveries helps me to become more familiar with the area roads. There's solace in the rhythm of the road. Whatever time I have left, I need to be careful in managing it. There is little to nothing to protect me if trouble finds me.