Robo-Rob

    Anyways, When I was on Clozaril, I was robotic. Numbed. Now that I'm off Clozaril, Life is much different. My sleep is more flexible. I don't have to worry everyday about whether I'll be able to get up, be able to function, or whether I will be too groggy to function. 

    I spend a lot more time and energy on processing and making decisions, which leaves less time and energy for everything else. I'm more patient then I used to be, more cautious. When you're not numbed out you're not as resilient. Stress hits you harder. I've been putting a lot of work into maintaining boundaries and space, managing finances, maintaining my health, and working. 

    When people don't work at cross purposes, life runs so much more smoothly. That's why I maintain space and boundaries. I avoid unnecessary conversation with people that I don't have good relationships with. 

    The boundaries and space is like oil in an engine. It keeps the parts from grinding against each other. Sometimes parts are stubborn. They keeping grinding the same ways in the same situations. The space and boundaries smooths the contacts. Less grinding. No fighting the same fights over and over, no rehashing the same resentments over and over. Suddenly you can breathe again.