Undercurrents

    I'm definitely still having trouble with subtext. That's where walls and space sometimes help. I particularly struggle with when I think a situation is going well and suddenly someone becomes hostile, seemingly without warning. 

    I want to rely on what I am good at. If I am consistently doing what I do well to the best of my ability, then I am adding value to the world. I don't want to focus on things that I cannot control. I really did used to think that I was a good communicator. I was definitely wrong. I'm far too out of touch. A narrow focus helps my clarity and calm. Focusing on the most pressing tasks. 

    I'm continuing to focus on working with the two contractors and waiting for a response on volunteering. Today I hope to spend some time finding something interesting to write. 

    Interpersonal communication is so strange to me. It's so very hit or miss. Two different people can take the same words and go in completely different directions with what they hear. It's not just that people are complicated, they're rather unpredictable. 

    I let down my guard and then something happens. Usually nothing big, just large enough to be noticeable. Something that serves as a reminder to be careful. Something that reminds me that bad things can and do happen. 

    I feel like I walk a very careful path, but people don't notice that. Sometimes I struggle to understand what people do see when they look at me. I'm not one who spends too much time reading signs or looking for symbols. It's enough to keep up with more explicit communication. These seem like very troubled times, though. Solutions seem more complex and less easily grasped. So often there seems to be unspoken tension in the air. 

    I'm trying to find something funny to write in my stories. I'm hoping to diffuse some of the tension that I sense. I feel like I need to reflect to find that humor. People need to laugh.