Angels of Mercy

Together, and then apart, the pieces move in sync...

Gently striding forward through the ravages of time.

The Angels of their mercy come for my pain yet again

Soothing it with their salves and their words of gentle wisdom.

I knew my heroine long enough to know when she was strained.

I knew the task before me as long in time and short in its glory

I knew the Angels would be with me on my poor man's journey

I only hoped to make the fruits to be worth the bitter costs.

Ascending upon the mountaintop of my spiritual journey

Surveying all the wreckage of my life and what it was

Knowing that I'll never be the person that they sought

Forever bound to my fate as the rich man's poorest son.

I'll keep my pace upon my journey

I'll keep my eyes upon the prize

I'll prove myself unto my Angels

She'll earn her mercy before she dies. 

Shelter in Place

When my hands, they shake, and energy fails

When fear comes hard and fast

When my mind is lost in eternal space

I have no recourse, I shelter in place

When I cannot grasp the words that they say

When my efforts come to naught

When the safe harbor is lost to a serpent race

I have no recourse, I shelter in place

I hesitate to reach for my wrath

For there must be another answer

I search for the clues to find a new path

I cannot fail this time. 

Lost in the doubt and regret that I find

I gather my patience and shelter my mind

I know that I must give more effort and time

When I lack my answers, I shelter in place. 

I fear for the actions my mind commits

I fear for the words I don't say

I watch for the courage to come back in place

But regrettably, I shelter in place

I walk out of my shelter and scream at the sky

and although it does not answer my screams and my cries

When world loses temper and forgets its place

I cry out to God and shelter in place.

Medicine Men

She walked in silence, small and humble

amongst the glass and rocks...
Her barefoot feet somehow unmarred,

in contemplation of the costs.

She fled her ghosts and repelled their whispers

And walked the long way home.

She called her friends who would not answer

She ran from all that she had known

She ran from all her fears and frights

and watched the ghosts of yesteryears

As they laughed her demons to mockery...

while she shed only invisible tears.

She traveled the path they would not grant her

So stubborn and defiant in her anger and fear

She knelt before the angels and martyrs

and prayed for abatement of this nightmare.

She climbed again and kept her pace

and ignored the voices harassing

She ran to remember the kindest of men

and mourned their violent passing.

She chased the angels as they ascended

Wishing she was one

She left the heroes she had known

for in her sorrow, they now were none.

Tigre

Lithe and orange and furry beyond measure

kitnip and scratching posts among his pleasures

with stripes and whiskers to mark his feline form

playful and pestering is simply the norm.

agile and swift but vigilant too

loyal and willing to always stay true

cunning and graceful but patient as time

always remembering that he is only mine.

Blank

She called my heart the other day

And I knew not the words to say.

I tried honesty 

I told her about the yearning inside

All of the things that I'd tried to hide

The games that I played to enter her soul

So many games with only one goal.

Then I tried humor

I laughed about my helpless delight

At the moment she came into my sight

The way that she lit up that light in my eyes

The way that I hated each and every goodbye

Then I tried pleasing

I spoke of her beauty beyond all the others

The joy that her presence always uncovers

The smiles that I held in my heart just for her

The lies that I told as I held her in wonder

Then I tried pleading

Reminding that hearts cannot hold out forever

That sometimes they are meant to be together

That fading comes fast in the breath of denial

That falling becomes its own bitter trial.

In the end there was nothing but nothing to say

And after some time the time washed away.

Love

Love recalls and returns
Love surrenders its wants to meet needs.

Love bubbles and burns

Love rejects greed. 

Love has passion or it is not love

It has patience and forbearance.

It has repentance and humility.

Love is honest and forgiving.

Love looks forward and not past.

Love is open, yet restrained

It is reflective in absence

Love is wise and true

Because it is self-evident.

Love needs and requires no recognition

When unreturned, it is still love

When unrecognized, it is still love.

Love does not revert but only grows

Love transfers and ignites

When answered by hate,

it is the love that is remembered.

Conscious

All around me loud and fast the raging demons' voices echo

Confidence in shards and shatters and little of victory to know.

Patiently waiting for the chance to stake my name in fables

in the arena of the elders where legends are claimed by the abled.

With trepidation, I seek God's counsel in the lonely hour of my trial

In tribulation, I set forth to run for the denial of my descending doom

I wonder where these stored past passions can finally enjoin me

And all of the lectures of previous days will echo and return to warn me

While you Weren't

While you weren't listening
I started closing doors

I ran around the back

Then opened up some more

While you weren't listening

I changed a few ideas

I put away my fairy tales

I tried to face my fears.

You wanted me to change

You found and shaped a mold

You called upon your champions

To bring me back in fold.

You wanted to know everything

Perhaps I didn't learn

I chased the wrong directions

And failed to grow and earn. 

While you weren't watching

I found a different way

I found new things to do

I found new things to say.

While you weren't watching

I changed the way I am

I changed my view of the world

I learned to not pretend.

spidey

Dear Spidey,

Patients come and patients go,

but arachnids are special, we all know

we appreciate you even though

our appreciation may knot always show

you have a way with words, it's true

we never knew the core of you

you came here as a larva and grew

And the world shall see your heart anew!

don't give up your legged ways

for there shall come some brighter days!

- Elle

Defiant

Determination, it echoes against the winds of hate and denial
Higher rising the legend's banner that strife cannot defile
The currency of whispers speaks to resentment and regret
But further on the banner waves in the glimmer of sunset

She spoke of times I failed her in the trials of becoming men

Charging with our banners just to flee them once again

Smartly in the shadows we regain our strength and honor

To rise again in righteous defense of our burning manor.

Jealously, she spoke of triumphs snatched from jackal's jaw

And wounds of blood and anger that would ripen red and raw

Vengeful in our justice we become a certain type of man

Who struggles with the question of when to stay the hand.

Lucid now, we never fail to fight our fickle fate

Never turning from a horrid will to find our hate.

And so we turn and spirits burn with passion in our eye

To choose between our love and hate, the passions we defy.

Desire

Pools of blue and straw haired blonde

Lighting up my soul and beyond

Stars so bright shine in her eyes

And yet my heart her words deny

Drawing me inexorably towards

A kiss, a caress the highest reward

And when our eyes come forth to meet

Sparks will fly and hearts will beat

Truth it only runs from lies

At the sight my soul, it sighs

With the grace of an angel's flight

She returns my gaze with infinite sight.

Calm the Waters

Wind and rain and dust and flood

Hurricanes descend from above

And so an angel extends a hand

To save the last of hope and love.

Water churning in pools of denial

To cheer the empty hero

Calm the waters once again

And drop the anger down below

Where the feathers fly again across the lonely lands

I cannot find my hero now

He fled with all his plans.

When all the states hospitals and medicinemen

Cannot revive bipolar again

Where then dost thou cast the blame?

Reflect it back and find your shame.

Waiting

Hanging in the corner

From a silky thread

by the light of windows

with pen and paper spread

The dragonfly, it hovers,

In the room just down the hall

busy are the bees

from the comb the honey falls

And so, the bear creeps lowly

sniffing at the air

sneaking in so softly

to tackle what is there

He's bigger than the dragonfly

Though hungry, he is strong

He plots to steal some honey

Because right is never wrong

Unfortunately for bear (though spider plays along)

When they come in number, bees can be quite strong

Soon the door comes open, and queen bee has a friend

Blue bee joins the hive, in the room down at the end

To make bear's matters worse

another bee pops out

soon the first door opens

and bees are all about

Spider, do a favor...

Distract the dragonfly.

Knowing

Knowledge in the chaos Vortex

Rippling through like waves

Turning up the power brings

reverberating rage

Stepping back, the echoes fade

As knowledge builds my power

Whisperings of the doings past

Returning hour by hour

Whither from, the echo calls

And whence will it return?

'Cross the lonely path of which

Is leading us astern. 

Walking back and running forward

an agent of the chaos

Looking for an aiding ally

We're bearing up our cross.

So, what is it that we know now

And whither shall it lead us?

Can we find another way

Before the demons bleed us?

Berry nice arachnid...

Ebbybody gloves Molly...

Ebben when she is Folly...

And taking pills can be stupid,

Especially when less then totally lucid.

They had the war on drugs...

And the war on hugs...

But where's the war on pills?

I've surely had my fill.

When I think of going crawling...

I find the hospitals appalling...

There's a lack of fruits

Bodies comin outta chutes.

Then they want a quick fix

But it's too late for it.

Carolina Drugs (By Ashes and Dr. Dust)

Carolina Drugs!

((Chorus))

Carolina...knows how to drug me!
Carolina...knows how to drug me!
In the citaaay of GSP (yeah, yeah)
In the citaaay of good ol' gReedy
In the citaaay, the city of Maudlin
We keep it druggin! We keep it druggin! Yeah!

Now let me welcome every patient to the mild, mild South!
A state that's untouchable like Jesus himself.
The pills hit ya esophagus and soon ya depressed
Pack a script in your pocket, seek out EMS
We inna Palmetto state wit our gospel and country 
A state where ya never find a waiting room empty
Pharms on a mission for the perfect drug
Selling it up with the CHING and a snarky shrug

I been in the game for 30 years bein loons
Now Memorial switched itself to Maroons
Back in '97 they used to chart me N watch me
Scrubs shinin like I robbed tha supply room
It's all blessed, from the foothills to tha harbor
My minds running around, back and forth, now it's farther
Throw up a script if ya think they fixed me
Ashes puttin it down for the shrinks of Dixie...

Carolina...knows how to drug me!
Carolina...knows how to drug me!
In the citaaay of GSP (yeah, yeah)
In the citaaay of good ol' gReedy
In the citaaay, the city of Maudlin
We keep it druggin! We keep it druggin! Yeah!

Drug it drug it shrinky
Drug it drug it Nursy
Drug it drug it MD
Drug it freakin pharmacy!
Drug it drug it shrinky
Drug it drug it drug it drug it...

Out on script! fresh from commit, now the shrinks a schemin'!
As I step out of McClean, I'm hearin coaches screamin!
Hating for bad talk N bullshit, 

the life of the Asylum player where souls die, and the strong drug it
Only in the hospital where we DRUG, not talk, to live and die
In Asylums we writin' scripts, no sense (yeah, that's right)
Breaking boundaries, insulting others is what we do!
Scriptin' but have caution, we collide with other crews!
Famous because we PROGRAM statewide 

Let 'em recognize from Patrick B to Springbrook
Druggin and lyin like a slow jam, it's Upstate
So go see tha shrink and let 'em hate
Say what you say, but give me that pill down from Harvard
Let me serenade the halls of the Centers
From CCBH to Springbrook,

I'll look for the soul that my shrink took
DMH is where they put they rules down!

Give it up!

((Chorus))

(Ashes) now make it shake...

((Bridge))

Outro: Ashes, Dust

uh, yeah, uh, Gateway in tha house, uh yeah
Phoenix Center, Phoenix Center where you at?
DSS, DSS
(Dust) hey, you know MIP up in this
CCBH, where you at
yeah, Springbrook, Springbrook always up to its good
(Dust) even  tryin to get a piece baby
City Center, IOP where ya at? uh yeah
Throw it up y'all, throw it up, Throw it up
Let's show these fools how we do this on the inside
Cause you and I know it's tha insane side
yeah, That's riight
East coast, east coast
uh, Carolina Drugs
Carolina Drugs

©️ 2025, Accountec, LLC

Pillars

I'm feeling some relief. I've recieved the neccessary reassurances from the PA and the LPC. Whatever MIP does or does not know about me will become clear from those 600 pages, if not from that then from CCBH's records, the internist's records, the records from City Center Counseling, or from the work I do with the PA, the internist, and the LPC. Or perhaps from Springbrooks records, or the ER records... The LPC's office has consulted an independent psychiatrist as well. The PA and LPC are in lockstep, and I revoked all authorizations for PRISMA to discuss me with anyone without express permission. My medical care has been firewalled. Anyone who interferes with my medical care does so at thier own risk. Gateway knows, CCBH knows, city center knows, mip knows, Mindful upstate knows, SCDHEC knows, Vinewell knows, PRISMA knows, the internist knows, DSS is a phone call or click away, the local police are too. Even the Governor knows. So regardless of what anyone does or does not know, whatever these diagnoses mean, I truly will be ok. Given that I was flagged for a Social Determinates of Harm screening years ago by the old internist, whatever is or is not true about me has popped up on almost every radar across this state. I'm being watched. But these people are trying to help me. Anyone who stands in thier way will be noticed, flagged, and potentially tracked. Abuse has to be reported. Threats have to be reported. Every licensed medical professional has that obligation. Every social worker, every counselor, every hospital, every police officer. So regardless of what the truth is, so long as i follow medical instructions, there is no danger. And I'm home now. Where i can do that.

Numbers

 Off again... here I go... round and round... for the show

1 2 3

1 2 3

4 5 6

Round to 8

Back to 2

Now to eight

... Where's 7? 7, come in please.

7, stand down.

Number one, drop the toys.

Blue Screen. Intermission.

Building up... Here comes 4, save the day, to the floor...

7's lifting weights again...

2's looking for a friend.

3's got stage fright... 5's picking fights.

Rising up, here again, we're a crowd, here to win

Should we call roll?

Take 5, 5.

Drop a number.

All together, like we can!

Raise a hand! Rise again!

Let's all say Grace. Is there a Grace here? No? Not yet.

Let's search for Endurance.

You want me back? Take a number.

Reflections

Moving away, and then back towards
The magnetism, I can't avoid

You pull me in, I push away

You're back again, you're here to stay.

You've got your words, and I've got mine

We've said enough, we've had our time

Tell me what you want to hear...

Do you miss the old times we had together?

I've been walking in my mind.

Past the oceans of my thoughts...

finding respite from expectations that quickly rise and fall.

And as I pass the memories,

And there is joy within my soul once again.

Quietly I set my pace... away from the words that others place...

And though they come to judge again...

I let them say their peace.

Ignoring all the sneers.

For sneers and snarls are easy friends...

That does not make them right. 

They will never like my words,

They may not like my pace...

But in my time I do forgive...

Let them have their hate.

©️ 2025, Accountec, LLC

Mirage

 I am the mirage in your mind

Whatever you see in me is not really there

Whatever you hear is an illusion of your mind

If you need me, you have me in your mind

you can visit me there...

My body is not who I am

Nor is my mind.

Do not chase me in the desert

For you will die of thirst.

But I am there for you when you need me

I'm there in your mind's eye

If I am in your heart,

That is your choice

But do not chase me.

I am your hallucination

I am your imagination

Do not chase what is not real

For you will never catch it.

I am your mirage.

I am imperfect.

Let me fade.

©️ 2025, Accountec, LLC