Personality Changes

I think getting older requires personality changes. And I'm not a great auditory communicator. But I don't want to inspire negativity. Some people are very private. And I've been there. Others are more open. Which is risky. Being open can be dangerous. But holding it in is dangerous too. The Psychiatrists wanted a study. But the hospitals don't seem good at that. Between that and the state and Federal money that helped pay for some of my care, I thought a more public study might be better. Not like a case study. Just people getting to know the real me. The Declozariled me. It's been traumatic. So it's hard to share me without sharing the trauma. But not sharing trauma is a good idea. So I need to avoid talking medical. Or too much Psychology. Clozaril does numb people out like crazy. It's SO STRONG. Systemic changes to the brain, re-regulating everything. Overrides human nature. Overrides conscience. 

Some of my accounts follow the wrong things. I'm cleaning out. 

I need to file taxes, see dentist, eye doctor, ent. Doctors. Oy. 

Maybe this is all about a hardening. A desensitization. Being numb like at the right times and places. So I can say the right things atthe right times. Do the right things at the right times.

It gets dark. My life has been fairly dark.