Missing

 I miss the people I used to know. Some of those people are still out there. But they have changed, and so have I. Some I haven't seen in years or decades. Some are dead. When the floods come, the ground is far beneath the waters. Some people think that being an adult means having the answers. Being strong and silent. Some people confuse violence with strength. But it amazes me to see a gentle person. It inspires me beyond imagining to see someone who doesnt need to be threatening. Someone who simply walks, and others follow. But its a burden when people come to expect greatness. Pride can be so ugly. Ive seen ugliness in many forms. Ive heard people praise God to high heaven and betray him in thier next breath. And that is more frightening then an atheist. A hypocrite. Not just a hypocrite, but such a gaslighting and insistent hypocrite. I hope to keep finding my way. Or I'll be talking to ghosts. And they make poor company after a while. I'm in the middle of something, I'm not sure what, or where it goes. I had trusted a life thati wasn't quite able to lead, thinking eventually I would grasp it. Now I am confident that whatever I may grasp, it will not be that which I thought it would be. I'm not sure why. I think i didn't know myself well enough.