Perfectionism

     Perfectionism can be an ugly thing. That person who cannot accept anything unless it just right. From the boss who wants reports in detail and pretty handwriting with all the gushing and fakeness and idealization of the job and the organization from the hospital that tries to mold patients into perfect citizens without any real concept of humanity, life can be beautifully ugly at times. People will always find something to criticize NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO. It is human nature to find imperfection. It is human nature to complain. 

    But where does perfect become too perfect? Where is the line on good enough? Do I look attractive enough? Healthy enough? Happy enough? Do I have enough money and status symbols? Does my family echo the very model of perfection regardless of the reality? Do I prattle on with excessive words about how great I am long after it is clear that no one is listening? Some people do. Here I am, in earthly purgatory to expunge my sins of having the courage to call people out for their bullshit. Here I am being lied about and verbally assaulted in hospitals because I contacted a nurse or because I objected to my former psychiatrist engaging in repeated boundary violations and unethical conduct and having the courage to report such conduct to the Medical Board. But no, we're not done yet, let's rinse and repeat. Because we haven't blamed the patient enough for our ethical failures. Cuz we're so damn perfect, us doctors. We gotta circle the wagons and find excuses and lies and scapegoats. 

    NEVER MIND that we recommended and prescribed the meds. NEVER MIND the patient was following our instructions to take THC as we repeatedly encouraged. Let's blame the patient and run him around from this center to that, finding new lies and problems at every turn just to run his insurance into the ground. Never mind that it pissed off IMA so much. Never mind our own failures, let's blame the patient. Great ideas guys. Then let's get the staff and patients to help. Let's demonize and find every possible fault, real or imaginary and blow them out of all proportion in order to perfect the maximum. That is the malpractice. That is the insurance fraud. And I'm tired of it. Just be glad I have a counselor that knows what she is doing FAR BETTER than any of you. Otherwise, this would be a situation for the attention of a court it's such a fucking mess. 

    I don't have enough metaphors for this shit, but maybe someday I will.