There's so very much going on in the world today. With so much going on and so many differences between all the people in the world, it's not hard to misinterpret or misjudge other people or to inadvertently upset someone. 

    Sometimes when a person focuses on their own life, it seems oblivious or uncaring or self absorbed. I find focusing on the things that I can control is the only thing I really can do. Focusing on my own life, doing my life as best as I can, is really the only thing I can do. Focusing on me helps to avoid unnecessary confrontation or getting in other people's way. If I am doing my own productivity and health as best as I can, then I'm making the world a better place. 

    I find people rather puzzling sometimes. Sometimes it takes me a while to figure them out, sometimes I never figure them out. I know myself better then I know other people, I know what to do in my life better then I know what to do with other people, unless they explicitly tell me exactly what they want. 

    In my life, I try to stay out of people's way. Sometimes this keeps everyone safer and more productive. Sometimes perhaps I come across as aloof, but I'd rather not get involved unless I know exactly what's going on and how I can make a situation better. 

    I've been spending most of my time alone. Having been confronted with the possibility of being homeless has changed my perspective. I'm trying to avoid risk. I am centering my life around my productivity and my health. I'm no good to anyone if I'm dead or unable to be productive. 

    Every day, everything I do is working towards building or maintaining those two things: health and productivity. I'm keeping my life as simple as possible, eliminating anything unnecessary as much as possible. I cannot rely on other people to ensure my safety. The only person that can keep me safe, productive, and healthy is me. 

    I hope to have more creative writing ready soon, but work and health have been a distraction. I worry everyday so much that I barely am able to focus enough to work. It takes all my energy to drive safely and be on time. I'm very aware that people find me odd, amusing, or irritating very often. That is why I stay out of their way. They do not understand what is going on with me. I do not enjoy confrontation. The best thing I can do is do what I do as efficiently as possible. 

    I don't know how to change the way people see me or how I feel. I do know the world is dangerous, and people can be confusing or worse. I can't afford any more setbacks nor do I desire to make people miserable. In a perfect world, there would be harmony, in the real world, there's distance. 

    It's taken me some time to look back at the past and piece together more of what happened. As the pieces come together I feel like I am seeing more of the truth. Yet I walk in a world of strangers who I cannot understand or seem to relate to. Millions and millions of people... 

    Some days ago a man stopped me on the street. He wanted directions to the supermarket. I was in the middle of a delivery and wasn't sure which way the supermarket was. Before I could think any further, I turned him away. The old me would have pulled out my phone and looked it up and helped him. The new me is so distracted, wary, and hyper focused on avoiding danger that I barely paused. 

    It seems somewhat absurd to be so guarded. I don't actually enjoy it. But I am so very tired. I have to be careful with my energy. There is nothing between me and oblivion but my own alertness and acuity. People are exhausting if you give them a chance, they will tear you down and rip you apart and not think twice. That is our society now. And that is why I cannot even stop to give directions. 

    Why people have to tear others down and be so vile I do not know. My energy is limited. I cannot afford any more risks. There is one person I can rely on without question. One person I can trust to do what is right, to understand, to help, to clear the confusion. One person that will truly defend me no matter what. One person I can trust. 

    Others, with their threats, their insults, their arrogance and their hatred, I have no time and no energy for those people. Energy is precious. I don't know why this is the way it is, but I know that my time on this earth is limited, and I want to build something before I am gone. So I must focus, and not waste time or energy on trying to please people who will never be pleased. 

    I do watch and wait to see if someone comes who is not like these others. I do think of the past when I had people around me that saw me differently. Before that doctor threatened me and quit. 3 years. I know no one cares or understands. They have made it more then obvious. I cannot waste time and energy on people like that. I must stay with the one person who is different. I don't know how to feel different, when the best others can do is make threats and condescend, I don't know what, exactly, changes. My time on earth is limited. I need to get some work done. 

    When hospitals prefer to invent new problems instead of solving the ones they have, THAT is the insurance fraud. That is the stupidity of the world. People just keep doubling down every time. Every time. Makes no sense.