The best thing I can do is maintain focus on what I am best at. Right now, that's the deliveries and writing. It's not always smooth sailing. Today during deliveries I witnessed an act of road rage. I found myself locking my vehicle.

     The PA walks a middle road, much like I do. He doesn't understand everything, nor do I. He tries to be pragmatic, as do I. It's a narrow path. 

     I try to keep walls and boundaries and space. It helps me to breathe. Some things are sacred, though. Like birthdays. Some birthdays are coming up. Some will be easier then others.

     I want to be naive again. I want to believe in things like family, Santa Claus, America, etc. Some of those things are easier then others. I do believe in God, that is not a hard one. The more earthly things are harder. Reality gets too real rather quickly. I feel that distance helps. People are messy. They require maintainance and space. Breathing room. 

     Sometimes I feel so very far away. Like an alien. Sometimes I feel like I'm floating or gliding rather then walking, other times I change locations and can't remember how I got where. I get lost rather easily because I space out (dissociate).

     It worries me because I fear I may have an accident. But if I keep focused on what I'm good at and I keep space, then I am able to stay p¹resent. I float less. Get lost less. Dissociate less. Keeping a regular schedule and avoiding conflict helps.

     Relationships are difficult. There's so much indirect communication going on. Messaging. People stating and restating the same things.

     Work is going well. I work mostly during weekends, evenings and I'm working more in the AM.