You can't drag the past forward. I don't understand why some people try. I need the serenity. They want to continue where we left off, as if I'm still the same. People do change. They cant see that I have changed. That there is no rewind. I'm not a cassette tape. I know they want to change who I am. To rearrange me. To recreate iRobert. That's not how people work. I'm not a machine. I'm not a collection of symptoms. If it's not bipolar, they'll reach for something else. They don't see that I'm a person, with my own beliefs, experiences, and opinions. No, they want something simpler. Something they can understand. If I dont conform to the narrative they understand, and its not bipolar, they reach for something else. They want something they can fix. They dont want an independent, free thinking spirit. They want something to fix and move on. They dont see that I have no interest in being fixed. That the fixing itself is the very problem. I'm not a slave to psychiatry. They don't communicate directly. They are not honest. And then I'm paranoid or edgy for not trusting thier duplicity.

     Now we communicate generally by smoke signal. Can't keep grinding the same stones. Life's too short. I need to maintain focus on what I can control. Me, myself and I. Tomorrow, some maintaining, some work, and hopefully writing. I've been neglecting my stories.