It's tempting to believe that people see you a certain way, or feel a certain way, or understand something. There's that longing for human connection. Sometimes the truth is brutal. Cold. 

    I didn't use to think it was possible, but people really can repeat the same lies so many times that they actually 100% believe them to be true. It's not even a fudging, it's a flat out, complete construct that is constantly repeated over and over again like a mantra. 

    It's like, if we keep using the word love but act hatefully, we lie to ourselves and believe we really are being loving. We can betray, destroy, demonize, and generate fiction in amazing quantities as humans. It's really been disturbing to understand how good some people are at acting horribly. They get so used to doing it that they literally will feign total innocence while stabbing you in the back. Pride is an excellent motivator. Selfishness. Hatred. Anger. I don't actually know why some people insist on doubling down again and again. I'm beginning to doubt the potential of humanity with everything going on in the world. 

    I do know why in my life certain people have been acting the way they have. They miss the myth of the drugged me. The me that was medicated into a robotic existence, and they use certain lies to justify their behavior again and again. It's become so very hard to even be around some people at all. I have stopped answering personal calls almost without exception, and I almost always regret answering the ones that I do answer. 

    And yet some people won't give up. Double down every single time. Far too stubborn to give up until clozaril and prichards are restored to glory, my defender written out, and the whole past rewritten to their likening, complete with praises, apologies and professions. I never thought life could be this kind of nightmare. I never thought my own family would keep spreading so very many lies and be so manipulative, two faced, and hateful, as well as shallow. But some people don't know how to stop. No matter what. 

    It's an ugly thing to have to tell people how awful they can be. Especially when they simply repeat their lies and double down again and again. They rarely even change tactics, it's just a rinse and repeat indoctrination and mind numbing hatefulness. It's exhausting. It makes me tired in my bones, a kind of dead tired where you feel half alive and you haven't even done hardly anything to justify the tired. 

    I really want to see what those hospital records say, but I'm willing to bet my father has been talking to professionals. Artstick refused to speak to him, and he was furious. But Arson, he's old guard like prichards, and he'll buddy buddy with my father. Arson flipped like a light switch. 

    What do you do with people so insistent on being miserable? When they stab in the back and give fake smiles? What do you do with force medicators who do not listen and do not bend? What do you do with people like that? You close doors. You walk away. And yet, they keep coming, as if by repeatedly reinforcing the awfulness, they somehow erase the bad. Yes, clozaril worked out really well for them. But it's been a fucking nightmare for me. And they will not stop. They will not shut up. They will never ever give up. I was trying to find the middle ground. Then march happened. 

    They're always gearing up for their next move. I'm getting exhausted. I really have tried. They literally do not know how to quit. I heard a phrase once "allergic to listening." That's what they are. I really do believe that they loved Prichards and his idealized, medicated, robotic version of me FAR more then they ever loved the real me or the unmedicated me. I started clozaril at 19, shortly before the 2nd coma, which they never came to the hospital ever. Strangers managed the whole thing. It does make you wonder. If that's family, then what is an enemy like? Too addicted to a false reality. A medicalized version of me to ever know or love the real me behind it all. What does it mean when a parent would rather drug you then know you? What does it mean? When they hate you so much that they would rather threaten, drug, lock up, do anything other then actually know you? How do you even hate a person that much? How is it possible? Especially if they are your child? How do you do that? what goes on in a person's heart and mind to actually hate someone that much? To drug them into non-existence? They'd rather lie and pretend then actually honestly tell me. Pretty fucked up? I think so. 

    They started me on drugs at 10. By 16 i was on multiple. I had already had several counselors. The drugs just kept increasing and I was locked up in MA by 19. The insanity that is my life. DRUG IT UP! But don't talk. Just drug and pretend. some parents are like that. I'm not the only one. 

    I waited for a long time for them to change. It's only gotten worse. 

The Narrow Path

Walking 'long the razor blade while watching for a fall.

It's the strangest kind of journey along an edge that's hard and tall.

Lined with crowds the path that stretches across the rusted edge

Their angry voices calling loud and raging for a pledge. 

Jackals dance and ponies prance upon green fields below

But oh how far the people are, the ones I claimed to know

While times still change and rearrange, depending on fortune's fall

Pray brighter days will rise from the haze of memory's faint recall

Too old to chase the shadows passed yet too young to chase the grave

I'm saddened as the heroes of once descend to errant knaves.

I seek out the message that may put these bitter hearts to rest

Yet all the while surrounds the guile that kindness cannot repress

Bleeding footprints along the path with no certain end in sight

With so many simply chasing one more peep or one more fight

Laughter will rise and with it the reprise as callers seek revenge

amongst gentle whispers of yesterdays that cannot find amends. 

Gossip is the magistrate and Jealous is the blade

Crossing fast and seeking solace before the light shall fade

Waiting till the time might come that echoes will finally silence

As words are made like cannonade repeating their ghastly violence.

Whilst I look unto the skies to bring mine eyes reprieve,

Silence comes like the blessed nuns walking forth to lament and grieve

Retreating from their castles now the angels shall merely observe

As the world rejects their words of wisdom to embrace the most absurd.

Thus logic is lost but at what cost and hatred reigns instead

Common Sense, which none repents, finds many tears to shed

So I continue 'long the razor blade into the misting clouds

And turn my eyes unto the skies, away from shadows' shrouds

Crowds follow the roads and stick true to the codes regardless of the price, 

For it matters not for what they fought so long as the stories entice

With truth erased and rewritten to replace the deeds they can't defend

So long as it fits, pray no one admits they have to smile and pretend

Amongst all these fears where are the ears that truly seek the sound?

For when all seek tales that ease the ails, reality won't be found.

Take the drugs and drink the suds, to deaden the doubt you feel

But do not be surprised, when all turns to lies, and the chaos becomes too real

Lies and rumors reverberate, and spread a bitter hate, yet no one  will repent

They just move on and dance along denying with each lament

The innocence retreats and repeatedly meets no refuge in the night

So the cycle revs up, as many drink from the cup ingesting hatred's might.

A call to the willing, amongst people milling and dancing down below

Walk along the path, or risk the wrath, of the Jealous blade's swift blow

No one's truth stands alone, with the casting of the stone will come a bitter fight

So choose your friends and play pretend, or walk the narrow path in fright.

 

Problems

    How do you know when someone has a problem? What does it take to cross the line?

    Is it enough that they use a psychiatrist to control them son and repeatedly stab him in the back? Does it have to move on to using multiple hospitals to do the same? What about repeatedly threatening, begging, manipulating, lying, and sabotaging their health while playing dumb? How much forced medicationings does it take? How many threats? How many lies? how many betrayals? 

    What is the definition of insanity? The saying goes, doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Some people literally never learn. They prefer to destroy others and bring everything crashing down around them rather then be wrong. 

    We still haven't finished going through the paperwork from the hospital, but I'm willing to bet that somewhere there is a record of my father speaking to the doctor and repeating the same bullshit story that he's been telling everyone for years. Ever since Prichards quit. He's absolutely determined to destroy everything in my world unless I repent and restore Prichards to his place of honor and quit this counseling. It doesn't matter how many people he uses as pawns, what he destroys, what extremes he has to go to. 

    And then they say I don't have problems. And they play dumb and lie to me over and over again. Throw me trinkets and false compliments and bullshit me to death. I want to see what's in those hospital records. I'm tired of people playing games with my mind. 

    Some people just don't know when to quit. They don't take fuck off for an answer. Too addicted to control and self glorifications. I swear that man has so many pawns dancing to his tune and they know they are being used and yet they play along. Fucking twisted.

The Egotist

People are not made for love but made to be my toys

I build them oh so carefully to rush unto my bidding

Like a vengeful God I smite and engage my minions in my ploys

The world it revolves around my name, and I am always winning

I tweak my little playthings and I program them with care

I am the worldly doctor, and as such, you must beware

Should you dare defy me, I will rip your world to shreds

Lock you up and run you down, drug you up with meds

I'll make you into a liar and I'll threaten you by proxy,

I'll stop at nothing to control your everything,

even till you're dead,

I'll run you up and run you down

I'll play you for a fool,

I'll rearrange your everything

You are nothing but my tool.

I am the worldly doctor,

I know so much more then you

If you're lucky you'll still be breathing

When my game is through.

I'll drag everyone that I can find into my twisted games

I'll lie until the sun goes down if it gets you labeled insane

I'll play against your little life every card I've found

I hope you're feeling paranoid, because soon we're starting rounds.

    You know I feel like an addictive substance. People just can't stop fucking with my mind. It really makes no sense. People absolutely love going on power trips. Psychiatrists can be some of the worst. There's this one psychiatrist, his advice to me was to act like a robot. That was one of the last conversations I had with him. 

    I was a bit robotic on clozaril. It's some powerful stuff. Numbs you out and you're just running around with no real connection, no real emotion, just this emptiness that's kind of soothing but also haunting and you never form any real connection but live a meaningless and empty life.

    A lot of people preferred me as a robot. I was easy to control. It was an incredibly structured life, and I was devoid of personality. It was so empty. It was about toys and games and nothingness. Now they're so angry that I don't want the empty, meaningless life they had set up for me. And they make threats and pull strings and draw in every medical professional in the upstate to bring me back into the fold. They just won't quit. It's a new bullshit every day, adding to the legends and the repetitions and meaningless little nonsense that they structure their lives around. Thank God some things aren't legal, and some people are too proud to break the law. Usually. 

    I have no doubt that these medical people are smart. That's why I've been talking to them a great deal, to help them understand the games people are playing with my wellbeing, so that no one else gets drawn into the dysfunction that surrounds me. I think the medical people would rather believe the pretty bullshit that these people spin and cast me as broken or as a demon and let the others play hero the way CCBH tried to do. It's a beautiful lie. But they are too smart and I'm not quite so naive and brainless to let that happen. 

    Life feels like an amusement park ride that I just can't get off. Now I'm beginning to see that other people are getting tired too. We're all just spinning round and round and crashing into each other. I think a while back I talked about slowing it down. I feel like I just keep pumping the brakes but its difficult to make it stop especially when all the noise just doesnt dampen. The more time passes by the more the reality creeps in and the horrified I am by the past. 

    People are messy. They require a lot of maintenance and management and instead of getting quieter everything just gets louder and faster. I keeping closing doors and they keep breaking open and then its musical medications and backstabbing and manipulation and ceaseless and never ending games and its like living inside a pinball machine. The reality comes back again and again and im absolutely horrified by the past. The more I try to step away from people the more angry and spiteful they become, dragging me back again and again with thier narratives and demands. 

    Getting off clozaril happened 3 years ago, with a brief interruption. And some people will stop at nothing to obliterate my existence and make my life the very definition of "A Dolls house". It's sick. So pedantic and self obsessed, with little to no concern for my well being. And yet we play this game, and drag in half the county and virtually every state agency as if just to make a point. It's insanity on wheels. Never-ending charades... and yet... as much power as some people think they have, they do not control the law.

    Someday I will die. Right now im still breathing. It doesnt matter the lies and the labels and the parade of bullshit. They cant erase me. They keep trying, throwing trinkets and using manipulations and games. I'm still standing. These power plays are not fooling anyone or impressing anybody. They just make this name a joke and make more obvious the sickness behind it all.

    Some people will just never quit. Too obsessed with how important they feel controlling the world and puffing themselves up like peacocks, strutting around so everyone can see how great they are in their minds, and how pathetic in actual reality.

    Maybe someday they will quit. Maybe not. I'm not holding my breath on that. Ive got to try to pick up these pieces and move on. 

Cult Fiction

    Sometimes being part of a family is less like a company and more like a cult. There's a tremendous volume of stories that go beyond all reason to be more like ancient legends or folklore... members become caricatures or mythical beings of good or evil, and facts are pulverized and reshaped into stories of greatness or tragedy. There's a certain desperation when people don't stick to the script. A panic. A rage, even. Life becomes a predictable nonsense of walking around repeating the same phrases and pretending that life is rigidly predictable and that nothing happens at random and no one makes mistakes. People are either perfect or evil. Angels or demons.

    Sometimes families even have enforcers. If someone falls out of line there's always a sibling or a child or an aunt or uncle to form this stream of incessant checking like a stream of water wearing down a rock. 

    I'm rather certain that by the time I'm dead, people will understand the dangers of poor boundaries in healthcare better. There's only so much you can manipulate a mind and medicate it and threaten it and constantly and relentlessly attempt to pulverize fact and build fiction before it either breaks or turns the script. 

    Even CCBH knew. That crazy doctor ran around screaming about the family that operates like a medical cult and regurgitating various insanities and literally drove me and that hospital into the ground with the stupidity of trying to re-force medicate and what good did it do ANYONE? HELLO??!?!? Some people never learn. I'm a slow learner. But I'm catching up. 

    Anyways, more work today. I lost some money trying to start the tax business that the cult was insisting on and dealing with the fallout of the nonsense from the last hospital visit. I've been hardening some defenses and monitoring spending while trying to take care of the tax matter. 

    I really hope it doesn't get to the point that I have to start being blunt with people. I don't want to start saying things like "go F*** yourself" or "I'll see you in hell". Life shouldn't feel like a war, and regurgitating bullshit is getting tiresome. 

    I'm trying to focus on that peace. The ticking of clocks rather then the incessant prattling of people who cannot and will not mind their own business... the constant pushing and prodding, like a doctor probing a wound for a bullet. 

    I've had to close a few doors. Hopefully the hospital is cluing in and closing a few doors as well. Poor boundaries in healthcare is truly the devil's workshop. It breaks people, families, and organizations down. They'll keep saying I'm paranoid and crazy, but from time to time the story just won't add up. 

    Maybe this paranoia thing isn't so bad. 🤔 My social life hasn't been incredibly successful recently anyways. Maybe this gives me the space to actually refocus myself.

Dear God,

    I've been tested. I have failed here and there, as you know, but this is getting a little ridiculous. Please grant the health care professionals the wisdom and the humility they need to stop pushing Bipolar narratives and narratives about other professionals. I think they're getting there, but they may need some help, especially if my family is feeding them false narratives. 

    Grant the Health Department of the good State of South Carolina the wisdom it needs to stop wasting time and resources dealing with this little circus. To see that it does not help anyone. To see that if the doctors simply open their ears and close their mouths, they might save themselves some time and grief. Grant them the wisdom and the patience to keep my medicine filled. Thank you for the things that help me be what you intended and to follow your plan. Thank you for the strength, patience, and fortitude to wade through this nonsense. I really don't enjoy making people miserable. Maybe a few less surprises?

    Grant my family the wisdom and serenity to stop this nonsense. Thank you for showing me the way to a job that I seem to enjoy, as humble as it is. Thank you for inspiring me to write stories and poems. Help me to avoid misplacing trust as I have done with numerous individuals. Grant me peace and a quiet life. 

    Help people see beyond all these labels and beyond all the narratives and beyond all the symptoms to see that I am a person just like them. Just someone finding their way. Help me to focus on what I am good at and being me. Help people see that I am on the path, even though I cannot predict the future. Help them see that this has not been fun for me either. 

    Help me keep my calm and serenity. Help me find my humor and cheer. Keep us all safe and not at each other's throats. 

Amen

P.S. I think we're all getting there but I'm not sure, so maybe check in from time to time? I'll be in touch.

 

Vlad's attit a'genn. Taunting di seagulls. Dat bat will nebber lern. 

Connecting the Dots

 

    At least the hospital is finally learning when enough is enough. If certain other people would finally take a hint, mind their own damn business, and stay out of my healthcare, a lot of people could breathe a little easier, not least of all me. I hate to have to consider legal remedies. It's not pleasant. I still have that one friend that works in the health department. Though we haven't talked in a long time. I've had to close a few doors. I can't afford more setbacks. Trust is a risk. 

    I had a good talk with the healthcare team and adjusted emergency contacts. I'm not going to sign any further releases. It's time I learned my lesson. Some people will never give up. They'll shoot themselves in the foot to spite their patient, or their family, or whoever they feel they need to control. My life needs to feel a little less like a game of Healthcare Clue. If some people would just get a clue. I can't keep grinding the same stones. I don't have the energy or the desire. Then they wonder why I need a counselor. Brilliant. She's the one that helped me start writing the funny stories that make me feel good. She's the one that stopped Prichards. She's the one that cleans up the hospital's mess. She is the firewall.

    Anyways. The medication really seems to be in a good groove. The driving feels peaceful, and I'm enjoying my writing, when I get the inspiration. I've got a number of projects and the occasional poem going. 

    It's funny how the little things bring me back into tune. The ticking of a clock, the chirping of birds, the whirring of a fan. Every day has regularity now. Even the cat has a routine. Maybe I'll try to paint something. It will probably still look like a little kid's painting, but I enjoy it anyways. 

    I got tired of Gone with the Wind. Maybe I'll try reading a hardcopy at some point. The audio book is harder to follow. My sample of Cold Mountain ran out, but so far The Black Flower is good and somewhat similar. 

    Just every time I think of this healthcare monkey business, I get annoyed. I need to forget. Life shouldn't feel like a war. 

    I want to write something playful and funny. Like Tales of the Attick. 

    I've got more deliveries later. I have to finish that tax business. I'll actually get a little more back than I expected, because of a previous math error. I'm debating keeping my Taser in my vehicle because I drive to isolated areas sometimes. 

    I do need to relax a little. When I'm not in defense mode, I can actually be fun. Just last night someone asked me a question, and I was so businesslike. Granted, I was working, but still... some cheerfulness loosens things up. I've been getting some tension from driving so much and worrying. I need to do some stretches and relax. Enjoy life. No more healthcare whack-a-mole. 

You know, I'm feeling a bit more like my old self. The dots started connecting. I was remembering my last ER visit... comparing it with my conversation with the PA... they finally figured me out! I realized that the patient observer in the ER was following a script. I could tell because the life events she described were so very closely tailored to mine. She even changed her story a little, which made it seem rehearsed. I particularly liked the part where she insulted the doctors. And the part where she reported a doctor for mistreating a patient. Said she'd been dx'd bipolar and went off the meds. Described a traumatic event and multiple personalities.  Not entirely sure how much of the story was based in fact.

Anyways, I'm trying to be pragmatic. I really want to write some more. But the hospital seems to have surrendered on Bipolar... whatever they actually believe... I guess I can finally relax. Do what Arson said... try to enjoy life. 

    It's time to work on my records a bit. Some budgeting and planning time. Taxes is always a good reminder of the importance of keeping records. It turns out I forgot to include a form with my federal taxes and miscalculated my expenses. Hopefully I'll have a refund soon.

    I'm feeling much calmer with this new routine. I'm going to need to figure out how better to divide between writing and deliveries. Build morning and afternoon writing sessions around the driving.

   I actually enjoy Cold Mountain much more then Gone with the Wind. So far The Black Flower is good. I think I'm going to turn back to Tales of the Attick, The Watcher, and All the Colors in the next few days. 

    It all makes more sense now. I'm finding solace in sameness. When life stays the same from one day to the next, it's actually very liberating. I continue to work towards my goals in being productive, calm, and uncomplicated.

Keeping a healthy lifestyle, maintaining focus on the essentials, and finding some peace and serenity in the seasons of life... life will be calmer... the days will move more gently. God willing.

I'm still working on recognizing sarcasm, but I'm getting disturbingly good at recognizing rage, contempt, condescension, smugness, conceit, and pity.

Last night one restaurant was literally dripping with tension. The why is not clear, but the signals made more sense.

I utterly missed one episode of sarcasm until this morning. If I'm going to continue living in the South, I need to improve my indirect communication. 

I've got to find a place in this world. Life has become too dangerous since I peeled away the chemical layer that disguised the brokenness beneath. And now the world has this intensity as the lies become more clear. I can feel the anger of the people in the world. I can thier contempt. All the fairy tales fade away. From time to time it's brutal. 

I wonder how Artstick is doing. I really hope she still has some say in this world. Reality comes crashing down hard. I'm going to need a few rocks to hold onto. The past is never far. If I'm not careful, it will crush me like a bug. 

Cents

I'm like a bad penny. People are like, if we just shine it up, it will be ok. Too valuable to toss. Too ugly to like. Course, pennies lose any more value, and they will get destroyed.

Living in a family is a lot like having a job. The company goes through good times and bad. Every now and then you seek a rebrand, but the reputation still sticks. Everyone has a role and a place. Titles, even. Periodically someone is in danger of losing thier job, but then management realizes the price of terminating the contract. There's plenty of politics and maneuvering. Posturing. Power plays. Sometimes someone doesnt get the memo. 

I need to be careful. My job security is low. I can't afford a reorganization. We're going to have to cut costs. But if I keep overhead low, avoid outlays, who knows, I just might make it. On thin ice with corporate. But who knows... I keep my head down and I cross those t's and dot the i's, I might be alive and safe come new years... so long as reception stops answering the phone and AP prioritizes... maybe this outfit will still be around... 

But if the press people get too creative, corporate might come down hard. Let's all repeat the company line, someone is visiting from upstairs...

We ain't got no cents around here.

When people prefer pretty lies to ugly truth, facts become a matter of mutual agreement.

Reality is what happens when people look away.

Time and space allows for rekindling

When something dies...

Sometimes the end of one dream

Involves an internal dying

A fading into distance...

And yet, sometimes people won't let go of something that is dead.

They clutch it like Halloween candy,

Thinking that if they just hold tightly enough

And pretend

And make believe that nothing happened,

And fill in lies about the past,

That maybe, just maybe

That damn dream will get up and walk...

Like the resurrection.

But then time passes.

Thier tightly clutched hands press so tightly 

That they obliterate whats left.

What's dead stays dead.

And lies, no matter how comforting they may be

Fail to change the past.

Fail to change the present.

Fail, in fact, to kill the very future that may have been instead.

Sometimes hate does not heal.

Sometimes the contempt passed around like party favors simply poisons what good will remains.

It simply is a doubling down

That multiplies the disconnect.

And people rush to drive each other away

And they rejoice in their coldness and disdain,

Self appointed heroes and martyrs.

As if by destroying each other, they destroy their divisions.

Building thier anger with their lies.

And so begins another day.

Welcome to America. So long as the picture is pretty, the substance can vary.

Sometimes life events give me psychological whiplash. People moving in so many directions. Time and space grant more clarity. The noise fades and nothing remains but those memories. Little glimpses of connections between people, actions, and emotions. The sensation of sleepwalking is replaced by an edge so sharp. 

Reality seems like a dance of spectors, people moving and chanting. All the right words at all the right times and so long as we're moving in time, the narrative can be selected like multiple choice. But the moment a dancer falls out of step, the mirage melts away.

iRobert

I'm continuing to focus as in as laserlike a fashion as possible on what I am good at. If I can avoid any car accidents or other surprises, I should be ok. 

I keep looking for chances to increase my efficiency.  I've simplified and standardized my days, trying to make everyday as routine and unchanging as possible. This includes not thinking in terms of weekends and weekdays. Everyday is just another day. Same meals, same routes. Same stores. Same food. Same hours. 

I find it liberating to eliminate chaos. I complete only my planned tasks. I'm still struggling to find enough energy and focus to complete all my tasks. But I am hopeful that if I maintain habits, I will be successful enough to reach my financial goals and pay all my bills, while maintaining my home and my sanity. 

If so, I'll be able to relax a little, focus on new social contacts. While I may have many contacts, there's only two people that I count as close friends. It's not easy to keep up friendships. I need to invest in my friendships. I'm trying to reserve money and energy for that, but I have not been very successful. 

Life can feel like a merry go round that just won't stop. Theres this dazed, disconnected feeling, separate from the alienation, which is separate from the waryness, which is separate from the fatigue.

With all the danger in the world, I'm trying to eliminate as much risk as possible. I'm beginning to feel like the hologram in "iRobot". I want to simply start telling people "My responses are limited, you must ask the right questions". 

    I need to be more careful. My mind is not as strong as it once was. I have not managed my trust well. I have not prioritized correctly. I can't afford more setbacks. The Holiday season is coming, and I'm not sure how I'm going to manage that. I need to maintain focus. I feel like I'm trying to thread the needle with these social situations. I need to manage my expenses better. I've had too many people playing with my mind. 

    I need to adopt a mantra: stick to the basics. Stick to the basics. Stick to the basics. I've got to avoid unnecessary distractions, focus on the absolute necessities: work, writing, health. No extra expenses, projects, no getting off course. I know that temptations and diversions will come. I need to keep steady and focused. I keep feeling pulled in different directions. I never thought life could be so complicated. 

    My work has got to be my everything. It's the only part of this world that is really me. The past rises up like a nightmare ready to swallow me. 

    I need to stay focused on my writing and my work. It's all that stands in-between me and oblivion. 

   Opening the door to trust is a risk. I have no defenses. One day I will die. Hopefully the truth becomes clear before they bury me. They paint over my words even as i speak them. The world is a dangerous place when people play games with the mind. Thank Lucifer for Psychiatry.

Missing all the pieces of the puzzle. The picture is there. You have to want to see. Most people choose not to.

I never said it was a pretty picture. Greenville Psychiatropy... rest in pieces... when all the states doctors and medicine men could resurrect bipolar again, where then next do you cast the blame? Reflect it back. Find your shame. 

Names... they say I have names... names are all that's left. Names and misplaced trust.